Heyyyyooo! Today I'm back with more messy emotions haha.
First of course! Here's today's track
https://open.spotify.com/track/2MUIqXtgr7NANCzpBi53w6si=tF8H4hHIQF6ze5N_Igvd8w&context=spotify%3Atrack%3A2MUIqXtgr7NANCzpBi53w6
It's tete-a-tete hy OSTER PROJECT. I've only listened to a bit but the rhythm is pretty nice. Enough of the track anyway.
I currently have the hiccups and im upset so boom wow! let's write a blog entry. I really don't even fuckin know what to talk about but these hiccups hurt like hell.
Anyway, I saw a few seconds of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's performance on Coachella 🤘😝🤘🎵!!!!! It was kind of rad yk? I don't really watch videos or anything that isn't movies, berleezy or parapara since im so lazy haha. Speaking of, I should link the parapara video for today too~ it's a dance I've been learning recently.
This video is Night of Fire! It's a pretty fun dance but some parts can be little confusing because I'm not good with moving my legs and arms at the same time. Spmetimes I have trouble doing simple tasks like standing without falling haha.
Moving on~
I guess I'll just give a daily update or something. School was okay but per usual I have no friends and do terrible classwork. It's not hard, I'm just lazy. I sit alone at lunch and feel people staring at me all the time. Such an annoyance. Life of being an alone-lonely person I guess. I try not to mind it sometimes. But hearing the voices of my old friends makes me want to chop my ears off. I wish they'd know what they did to me but whatever. I'm always "overreacting".
My math teacher is really nice to me yet everyone is always so rude to her. They're just upset because if you're rude to her she's rude back. And I can tell you, These girls at the school are entitled to nothing. They are rude just for fun and say it's a personality. Nobody is naturally rude and disgusting to people, trust me. That's just weird and nasty. But whatever.
Last night, I spent about an hour crying my eyes out. Some nights I don't even know if I'll make it to the next day. Sadly there's nobody to listen to me. No matter how loud I scream or cry, it'll just come out as a silent nothing to everyone. I try not to mske it about myself but I want it to be, because it's never been about me. Not ever. Even when people called MY phone, it still was neve about me not even for a second.
I always imagine having like an anime-like boyfriend who always cares for me no matter what and would never leave me ever...but that's like a rotten dream. It's selfish, I know, but I really just want some love. I didn't get it and I don't ever think I did. Not even from my family. But I don't have family anymore. They're all dead to me. They're all so abusive. So, I disowned them like they did me.
I just hope that I can find a partner one day..Even a close friend would do fine but just a partner that would hug, hold, and never leave me, would be absolutely amazing.
I think I'm going to read Mai Chan's daily life. I heard it was really gore-y so if it isn't long I'll read it but I Really want to watch Gakuen Handsome but man, I'm so lazy~~~ I don't feel like it.
Sorry for the long shitty blogpost today!~ Gotta let out my stupid toilet emotions somehow haha. Hopefully someone will see this. I doubt anyone cares, though, im not surprised. I fucking hate this earth anyway. Just wish I had the guts to wrap that stupid belt around ny silly little neck.
Well, that's it for today anyway.~ こんばんは to all.
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